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Don’t pee in the pool.
“I have to PEEEEEEEE!!!!,” my son shouted at me for the 86th consecutive time from the confines of the community pool. It’s his new thing, announcing his need to perform basic human functions at a...
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‘Twas the night before Kindergarten…
“Lunch, pants, beer,” I repeated to myself as I fumbled around the kitchen. I couldn’t get the zip loc baggies open. The grapes I was trying to corral were slipping from my clutches. I’ve never had...
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Get well soon.
Keep in mind it hovers somewhere between 90 degrees and “Holy shit it’s hot!” here in sunny South Florida during the summer months. I was curled up on the couch, wearing two sweatshirts, three pairs...
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Death to Schmootchu?
Behind me, the noise of daily life…the coffee table which doubles as a race track, the kitchen sink that I could swear was empty a few minutes ago, and is now full of dishes…and the laundry, don’t...
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Betty White eats Andy Warhol
Unlocking the deadbolt, I open the front door. I’m always uneasy about what I’m going to find. Betty White predictably greets us. She’s a happy soul with a destructive nature, it’s exactly what you’d...
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Say CHEEEESE!!!!
“What’s that?” he asked as he walked by the dining room table. He was eyeing a shiny leather case with the word “Kodak” embossed on the front. “It’s a camera,” I responded. In pristine condition, this...
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Why is water blue?
The boy and I had an interesting day of bonding. He was my lunch date on Saturday, although he didn’t really want to be. “I don’t like food anymore, can’t we just go to the toy store?” I had promised...
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Six
*This isn’t funny “I’ll take you,” he said, as I stood in their living room. I didn’t want to impose, but it was clear that my father wasn’t going to accept no for an answer. He and my mother can be...
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One hundred and twenty-ten
He climbed into the backseat, chocolate stains in the corners of his mouth. He was talking a mile a minute. As I helped him get situated I caught a whiff of his scent. He smelled like fresh air, dirt,...
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I’ll buy dinner
“I’m going to buy the groceries tonight, okay?” he held up his change purse and shook it. I smiled, thinking his gesture was gush-worthy. “No, buddy. You save your money. I’ll pay for the things we...
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I’ll never be a Sock Monkey, and I’m okay with that
There’s this stuff that pops up in my newsfeed all the time, it’s the same story, written by six different news outlets. Sometimes the information is life altering, and I can understand why it’s...
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